Spiritual Awakening: The Beautiful Mess of Becoming Who You Are In Your Soul
How does one go about explaining their spiritual awakening?
For it is so complex, so undulating, so full of moments simultaneously hazy and strikingly clear. The challenges of letting go of the identity, of the ego, of who you know yourself to be, and choosing instead to shed that old self, the wounds and fears holding you back, to become something that has been stirring deep within your soul. To acknowledge the pull that something is off—that you aren’t living your purpose, who you are meant to be, or the life you are meant to live and to dive into that murky unknown with abandonment. To trust that in diving headfirst into these depths of your soul, while maybe fearful, you might find something truly incredible.
And the challenge of losing people along the way that try to keep you tethered back to your past; who are uncomfortable that you are changing, that you are going through a metamorphosis, that you are shedding, growing, and expanding into something even more beautiful. And the challenge to become at peace with that, to honor it, to have compassion, but to choose yourself instead.
To be messy, to break down the structures, to go through the upheaval. To not know what the hell will come out of this. To carry the feelings of isolation, to feel like no one understands, and yet, never feeling more sure of anything. To have the resilience and courage to keep going forward. To feel so plugged into the bigger story. To experience the collective consciousness. To experience the joys and mysteries of the Universe. To experience the freeing of your soul.
And yet, how do I communicate all that is going on inside of me when I do not fully understand it myself?
To allow myself to experiment and explore to see what resonates with me, to find what my purpose is. To allow myself to change my mind, to not have it all figured out, to question, to ask, to fail.
To release control. To release the “shoulds” and the expectations and the attachments of myself and those of others projecting onto me. And to just listen to what my internal guidance is telling me. To flow with the Universe rather than resist by forcing it into submission. To let go.
To fully honor the tribulations by forgiving ourselves for doing the best that we could in situations past, and to see with a new perspective all that these challenges taught us. And to see the growth that came out of the chaos.
For me to wake up, I had to get sick. I needed my body to shout at me to wake me from living on autopilot, ruled by fear, criticism, and self-doubt. This came in the forms of near-constant aches and pain, depression, fatigue, decreased strength and flexibility, severely swollen lymph nodes in my neck, panic attacks, viruses, negative body image, numbness of my emotions, perfectionism, allowing others to dictate my life, and so much more.
When I boiled it all down, the story that I thought to be true was that it was not safe to be fully me. That the world will hurt me if I fully express myself and show who I really am. That I will be abandoned if I stand in the power of who I am and what I believe in.
I am a healer. I am psychic. I am an alchemist. I see spirit guides. I talk with my Higher Self. I talk with angels. I go on soul journeys. I channel messages. I channel energy. I am here to help others heal.
But I also still doubt myself, the fear bubbles up sometimes, and I still struggle to express myself fully. I have good days and bad days just like everyone. But that is part of the human experience. It has taught me strength, courage, trust, faith, and love. This is the journey. We are constantly growing and changing, learning new lessons and living new chapters in our book of life. We do not shed skin once and become the ultimate version of ourselves, no. This an ongoing up-leveling process—shed light on what needs to heal, heal, raise our vibration, expand, shed the old self, step into the new self, grow, and repeat. And when we can be in harmony with this “game” and enjoy it, revel in its magic, play, dance, and sing in it, our soul is free. We experience compassion, love, and gratitude. We experience our divinity, our oneness. We experience a connection to something so much bigger than ourselves. We see that the Universe has a plan for us, we see the love and the good in everything around us, and we choose freedom over the traps and limitations of fear.
So how does one go about explaining their spiritual awakening? The best way I can sum it up is to become aware of the stirrings within your soul. Are you fulfilled? Do you fully love and accept yourself? Do you feel alive and free? And then muster the courage to walk into the shadows of yourself to find the answers, not knowing where it will take you, but finding comfort in knowing that you are being pulled there for a reason. To drop your attachments to outcomes, to let go of control, and to fully embrace any and all emotions that come up for you. Nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Go within, meditate regularly (sometimes without agenda), go to your “church” (for me, it’s going hiking), move your body, and connect with a Higher Power. Know that it will have its challenges, but it will be worth it.
If you would like support or guidance on your journey, I am here to help. Click the button below and fill out the form to get things started.
Peace,
Steve
